"Unreachable" :(

My boytoy and I haven't hung out, I mean, we've seen each other in person...once. But we've talked a couple of times. And he's the sweetest thing ever, he even has a nickname for me However, I think the last time we talked was a week ago. I tried calling, but his phone is always "unreachable" and he's not seen his FB chat. I barely know him, but it's just this one thing he said that made me kind of swoon. Oh well...college in a couple of months. That should be fun! My best friend is going to be close by. He's a guy, and no one thinks we can keep this friendship completely platonic...which I think is stupid. Who's to say girls and guys just can't be friends?

Boytoy

Not freaking the fuck out anymore. Crisis averted. The guy is an asshole though, but it's all good. I found a new guy though, who I am somewhat interested in. People have been judging me because the guy is two years younger than me, and is ninth grade (supposed to be in tenth). So what? He looks my age, acts my age, and makes me not want to kill myself :P

We have only hung out once, but that should change next weekend. In the mean time, I feel like I should cut off all my FWB ties.

Hope you all had an amazing valentines day! I was supposed to sleepover at the asshole's house, actually thought about having sex with him....thank god I found out how much of an asshole he was.

On the bright side: school starts tomorrow

On the non-sarcastic bright side: I GOT ACCEPTED INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSITY!!!

Freaking The Fuck Out

I am in so much shit right now. Can't go to my parents, they would kick me out. Can't go to my doctors, they would just tell my parents. None of my friends over here are experienced with this kind of thing. And the friends who are, are asleep in another time zone. Patience is a virtue that I do not have.

Clinically, Not The Whiny Teenage Shit

We took graduation photos today. When asked to stay behind if we wanted photos with just our friends, I was the only one who went inside (we were outside for the photos - which was bloody unfortunate considering the cold, and the fact that it had rained and was just about starting to drizzle <-- that did not seem grammatically sound, but oh well). Honestly speaking, I started to feel sad at first. However, a series of past memories flashed itself through my head, and I wasn't sad anymore. I just remembered that for last year's superlative, I was voted "most likely to be on the Jerry Springer show" <-- that just goes to show how highly everyone thinks of me. Then I remembered a former friend who called me a "wannabe". I also remembered some former friends laughing in my face because I said something stupid, which wouldn't have been so bad, but I was depressed (clinically, not the whiny teenage shit)...and they knew that. That was just last year, I don't even want to get started on memories from previous years. After some pitiful moping, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. Because, you know what, I'm going places. I have this gut feeling that some way or another, I'm going to make this world a better place for not only myself, but for kids like me.

On another note, I made some electronic-ish music today. It's not all that, but I must admit that the bass is fucking awesome. I'm the kind of person who becomes happy with a couple of notes. Even though today started off as shit, I made the best out of it. I don't want to think too far ahead, just want to live day by day. Because in the end, that's all we can really do.